Thank You for Your Support - 2012 Here I Come.

The mid-term elections are over and sadly, I was not elected to any public office. But, I'm OK with that because I put our politicians on alert. A mighty wind of change is coming. Hopefully, it's not down wind from the landfill.

I hereby formally announce my write-in candidacy for Senate in 2012. Yes, Senator Kohl, I'm coming after you. It's time you turn your attention to returning the Bucks to the halcyon days of the 1970's and 80's and relinquish your Senate seat to someone who won't blindly vote the party line or respond to constituents with badly written form letters.

Here are my promises.

I will not formally file candidacy papers. With three jobs, I don't have time to chase down signatures.

(And yes, I am thankful I have three jobs, and I will work my a$$ off to build an economy where I only need two jobs, thus freeing up my third job to be taken by someone who has no job). 

I am running as a straight up write-in candidate. And I don't have a tough to spell last name like that woman in Alaska. Although, some people do forget there is a "d" before the "t" in my last name.


I will not formally fundraise. How can I possibly charge someone $250 dollars a plate for a piece of dried out chicken, room temperature green beans almondine, and a dollop of crusty mashed potatoes, and  some sort of nasty flourless chocolate cake thing for dessert. Not to mention adding insult to injury by having a cash bar. Free Beer and Wine at least - just like a Wisconsin wedding.

I am pro-choice. Pro choice doesn't necessarily mean pro-abortion. It means I am for choices. I won't tell you what choice I would make, but everyone should be entitled to make a choice. The train has left the station folks. You can't overturn Roe v. Wade. It's too late, that's a fact - not a position. Additionally, pro-life people who cement themselves in a car are nuts. Period.

For the record, gay marriage is not the same as marrying a table. Theoretically, I was probably married to a tube sock for most of my teenage years and I'm not gay. As I have said many times before, I have no problem with a gay couple moving into my neighborhood. They keep their house up, do beautiful landscaping and generally have a fine assortment of baked goods on hand at all times. They also make great martini's and have impeccable taste in sweaters. Everybody wins.

I will treat the economy like the way I approach my personal finances. It's simple. If you run up your credit card, you don't pay it off with another credit card. You cut the credit card, tighten the belt and give up unnecessary indulgences until you pay the thing off. (Except for the Friday Fish Fry. Some things are non-negotiable). 


I will debate anyone at anytime. Provided the questions aren't given out before the debate. I did forensics in high school - 4 minutes extemporaneous speaking. I have no interest in debating someone who is more concerned with memorizing their lines than they are with sharing their personal vision. If you don't know where you stand on an issue when it's thrown at you, you aren't qualified to hold public office. Period.

No Teleprompters. Ever.

I will do what I can to take care of the poor, handicapped and elderly. They need our help. It's the right thing to do. It's the human thing to do. The lazy on the other hand, you're on your own.

If I have a stance on an issue that is unpopular, I promise to sack up and be a man, not a coward. Yes, Governor Doyle, I am calling you a coward. And should I ever meet you, I will call you a coward to your face. However, I am betting by that time you will be working at your presidentially appointed job you were promised when you agreed to jam the train deal up our asses under the cover of darkness. You want to talk self-serving dick moves - that was one of the biggest I have ever seen.

That last comment is the only personal attack I will ever make on a politician. I promise. But what Doyle did was a total dick move of epic proportions.

I will not hire an ad guy or a consultant. I will run my entire campaign with a Flip cam, Facebook, YouTube, Flickr and maybe Twitter. But I think Twitter is stupid, so maybe not Twitter. Hey, if a million people can get Betty White on SNL, I should be able to garner 2% of the vote.

So, here is my concession speech. I thank you all and look forward to having your continued support as I race for the Senate in 2012.

Brandt for Senate in 2012

Why? Why not?  

Here's Your Last Shot at Sanity

It’s down to the end of the line folks. Less than 8 hours to vote for your favorite unqualified douche canoe to serve themselves for the next (insert term length here). Lord knows our selection of nut bags is the widest it’s ever been. At least in my lifetime. You’ve got Harry Reid and Christine O’Donnell on the national stage for starters. Right here in Wisconsin we’ve got Rebecca “Gay Marriage is like marrying a table” Kleefisch and Tom “I’m qualified to be governor because I can take a punch” Barrett”, right here in our own state.

I know it’s too late to do anything. But if you haven’t voted yet, I am asking for you to write me in – for any position. I don’t care. But I’ve got to be better than what’s out there.

But, before you vote – educate yourself. Take a look at my entire television campaign. I didn’t spend millions of dollars. I shot it all at home and in my car with a $168 Flip Cam. That makes me fiscally conservative. And I don’t think gay marriage is the same as having sex with a table, so that makes me socially liberal.

Take a quick look. If you like what you see, write me in – for anything. Because a vote for me, is…well…a vote for me.

“I’m Running for Anything”

“I Don’t Have Genital Warts”

“Take a Civics Class”

“Don’t Play God With My Family”

“The Tea Party Movement”

“I Love the Great State of Wisconsin”

We are so f*cked.