I Just Want It To Be Quiet

I stumbled across a message board regarding the Recall Walker movement. I started reading through the hundreds of posts, most of which were shortsighted and self-serving on both the for and against sides. It took me a while to figure it out, but I finally realized these blog responses are actually a microcosm of what is wrong wih this country. Let me explain. Actually, you don't have to let me explain, I am going to do it anyway.

I posed a simple question on one of the blogs - "What is the plan of the "Recall Walker" people should they be successful in removing him from office?" A pretty straightforward question, right? But what happened. The question was ignored in lieu of adding several more posts pointing fingers, calling names and screaming that the other side is wrong. But NOT A SINGLE POST detailing the plan for Wisconsin.

Why is this?

Well, first of all because there isn't a plan at all. But that aside, it is because coming up with a plan requires thinking, effort and making tough decisions. It's so much easier to piss, moan and grandstand using partial, out of context sound bites than actually DO something. It's easier and so much more dramatic for us to paint signs, pound drums, cry inequality and be dragged out of the rotunda like a little boy throwing a temper tantrum in Walmart because mommy wouldn't buy him any Skittles. It's easier to scream, "you're turning this country into a socialist welfare state!" Why? Because thinking critically about problems and developing solutions might mean you have to be held accountable for something. Which you are afraid to do because if something went wrong, you'd have to take responsibility for your actions and you just might find yourself on the receiving end of the petty jealousy paddle that you're currently swinging. So it's better to just sit back and bitch, waiting for the next wave of leaders to come along so you can bitch about them too.


I love how protesters (supporting ANY cause) pound their chest and wrap themselves in the flag of democracy proclaiming how our forefathers would be proud of them because this great nation of ours was founded on civil disobedience. (By the way, for those of you who don't know, our government isn't a democracy, but that's an entirely different discussion) In reality, what you are doing is annoying most of us, forcing our municipalities to pick up the babysitting tab, and damaging the reputation of the people who have the courage to serve in public office and subject themselves to your criticism and abuse. This goes for BOTH SIDES of the aisle.

I have stated openly that I believe Obama is way out over his skis and doesn't have a clue about anything. I think he wanted to be the President and get the benefits that come with it. I don't think he wanted to lead the country and assume the headaches that come with it. I believe Walker has made some serious mistakes and bad choices in the way he has handled things in Madison. I think he wanted what he wanted and he wanted it right now, no matter who was affected.

However, even though these two individuals are at opposite ends of the political spectrum and their philosophies and approaches couldn't be more diametrically opposed, they are alike in the fact that they have the balls to dig in their heels, make tough decisions, stand by those decisions and see them through to the bitter end. They walk through the walls of pounding drums and Hannity-O'Reilly-Beck roadblocks that stand between them and accomplishing their vision. They come out battered and bruised, only to get up next day and do it all over again. Why? Because they are driven to serve the people of this country...Well...it's either that or because they are getting truckloads of money from the unions, major corporations, the Koch brothers and George Soros. I'm thinking it's probably the latter.

We all know there are problems, and bombarding message boards with personal attacks and half-truths  doesn't solve the problems, it just makes them worse. If you want things to change then change them. Stop your screaming and whining. Stop jumping in front of me at the grocery store to shove your political views in my face. If just half of that energy was spent serving at St. Ben's or mentoring a child, or painting playground equipment in a local schoolyard, imagine how much better off we would all be.

Yes, I realize I am equally as guilty for writing this. But I felt I needed to get it all out because I just want it to be quiet.

Here's Your Last Shot at Sanity

It’s down to the end of the line folks. Less than 8 hours to vote for your favorite unqualified douche canoe to serve themselves for the next (insert term length here). Lord knows our selection of nut bags is the widest it’s ever been. At least in my lifetime. You’ve got Harry Reid and Christine O’Donnell on the national stage for starters. Right here in Wisconsin we’ve got Rebecca “Gay Marriage is like marrying a table” Kleefisch and Tom “I’m qualified to be governor because I can take a punch” Barrett”, right here in our own state.

I know it’s too late to do anything. But if you haven’t voted yet, I am asking for you to write me in – for any position. I don’t care. But I’ve got to be better than what’s out there.

But, before you vote – educate yourself. Take a look at my entire television campaign. I didn’t spend millions of dollars. I shot it all at home and in my car with a $168 Flip Cam. That makes me fiscally conservative. And I don’t think gay marriage is the same as having sex with a table, so that makes me socially liberal.

Take a quick look. If you like what you see, write me in – for anything. Because a vote for me, is…well…a vote for me.

“I’m Running for Anything”

“I Don’t Have Genital Warts”

“Take a Civics Class”

“Don’t Play God With My Family”

“The Tea Party Movement”

“I Love the Great State of Wisconsin”

We are so f*cked. 

Dear Morbidly Obese Used to Be Naked Shaving Man...

...the gym thanks you 

I don't mean to sound insensitive, but the sight of you shaving naked was about the most disgusting thing I have ever seen. That is, if you don't count that part of "Faces of Death" where the Malaysians eat the brains out of live monkeys. That would be ranked number one. Followed by you Mr. Morbidly Obese Naked Shaving Man. Third place is held by Dane Cook - EVERYTHING by Dane Cook.

What the hell, why don't I just give you my "Top 5 Disgusting Things I Have Ever Seen".

1. Morbidly Obese Naked Shaving Man
2. Malaysians eating the brains of live monkeys in "Faces of Death"
3. Dane Cook
4. Two Girls and a Cup. (Although I have never actually seen the video, I have heard it is the grossest thing in the world. Even with my overactive imagination, I can't picture it being more disgusting than Dane Cook.)
5. KISS - with Vinnie Vincent on Guitar. (What the hell was that Egyptian thing all about?)

Anyway, getting back to the subject at hand, I was very happy when you decided to wear your underpants while shaving. Thank you.

To your credit, I admire your conviction to be at the gym every day and do something about your weight. Most people your size give up, lay in bed and fry chickens on their chest with a plug in frying pan - waiting for the rescue department to come by, blow out a wall and forklift them out of their room and transport them to Brookhaven. Where they will cry, complain and still not lose weight because their enabler keeps sneaking in McDonald's Angus Snack Wraps. (You gotta admit, those are pretty damn good). But you are working out, and for that you are to be commended.

With one exception. I too go to the Starbuck's right after my workout. However, unlike yourself, I don't crush two Cranberry Scones at 400+ calories each. SPOILER ALERT - you won't lose weight when you crush the pastries after the workout. Try a little protein instead. Try hammering down a leftover pork roast or something. Anything is better than a pastry made from about 10% flour and 90% butter. Now, I realize I am no Val Kilmer in the volleyball scene of Top Gun. As a matter of fact, I feel more like John Candy in Summer Rental (Hawks jersey and all), but at least I have enough sense to go for the apple bran muffin.

Anyway, keep up the good work. I can tell you've dropped some pounds - not enough to see your naughty bits yet, but looking good nonetheless. Oh, and didn't the process of losing sight of your naughty bits send up a red flag. Like, "I can barely see my naughty bits, I better put this pecan pie away." I can't imagine completely losing sight of them before I did anything about it.

But I digress.

One last favor - even if you do drop the 300 lbs. you hope to, please don't naked shave ever again. No one looks good naked shaving - not even Mr. Ambiguously Gay Naked Shaving Man, and he's in great shape. He also carries a fine assortment of toiletries and sundries with him – and that’s a good thing.

  

peace

-kb

Incompetence Knows No Bias

Incompetence knows no bias. It is not black, white, male, female, gay, straight, republican or democrat. Incompetence is incompetence, period. And it is alive and well, in the Gulf of Mexico, the board room at BP and the White House. This situation is a textbook example of why the government and big corporations are absolutely useless when it comes to getting things done. They are masters of pontification, but are USELESS when comes to taking action.

BP, you are the experts. How can we go 50+ days and still not be able to determine the amount of oil that is spilling out of that well? You’re lying.

Mr. President, finding out whose “ass you’re going to kick” should be last item on your  “To Do” list. Take control.

I will put it in simple terms. Tell me how you would handle this problem.

You have three children at home and they decide they are going to play with their toy boats in the bathtub. So while you are outside doing yard work, they turn on the faucet and fill the tub. Unfortunately, in doing so they somehow turn the faucet handle too far and it gets stuck. But kids being kids, they keep playing as the water rises to the top of the tub. But as the water creeps closer, they panic, and try as they might, they cannot turn the faucet off, and the water keeps running. Now they are scared. They start trying to soak up the water with towels, to no avail. They try stuffing a towel up the faucet. It still keeps pouring out. It’s leaking through the floorboards. The ceiling of the room below is in serious danger. 

Then you walk in. The ceiling is dripping. You run upstairs. You see the disaster. What is your first reaction? Do you try and stop it, or do you let the water continue to run while you verbally berate each of the children to find out whose butt to spank?

The oil leak is not a bully pulpit to make a political statement regarding our dependence on oil. I realize it’s quite trendy to stand up and pound your chest and drop sound bites so you sound like you are environmentally conscious, but I’ve got news for you. You can ride your bike to work, or take busses all you want, but you are ignorant if you think that will make a difference. Even with imprecise calculations, it is estimated the amount of oil spilled would only power the country for about an hour.  Oil ain’t going anywhere anytime soon. Right now, we don’t need “environmental activists”; we need “active environmentalists”. There’s a big difference.

But let’s say we could turn off our use of oil like a light switch. We wake up tomorrow and boom – oil is no longer a part of our society. Let’s take a look at a regular day.

You wake up to a beautiful day. You can’t wait to go to work. So you hop in the shower. But you have no soap or shampoo. As a matter of fact, the shower is spraying and leaking everywhere because there are no faucet washers. But you muddle through. Your unshaven with smelly breath, but at least you can run a comb through your hair and look somewhat presentable. Sorry. No combs or brushes to make that gray hair (no hair coloring) of yours look pretty.

Uh-oh. The baby’s crying. He must need a diaper change. You feel good about using cloth diapers. You’re doing your part. So you unclip the diaper, and baby’s got a nasty case of diaper rash. Now what do you do? There’s no Vaseline or ointment.

At least you can have breakfast. But too bad you have to light a fire to cook the eggs laid by the chickens you raise in your backyard. That’s going to take some time and judging by the height of the sun in the sky, you’re already running late. Fortunately, you were able to get an accurate read on the sun without the sunglasses you used to have.

I could go on and on, but you get the point.

When the flood waters rise in North Dakota during the spring thaws, then entire city pulls together and lines the banks of the river with sand bags. They don’t sit around and wait for permits. They TAKE ACTION. That is what the true American spirit is all about. We do – we don’t blame. Or at least that is how it used to be.

If no one else is going to take control, I will. Here are my marching orders.

Bobby Jindahl, just stick the shovel in the ground and keep digging. Stop bitching about the feds not doing anything. Better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission. Besides, what are they going to do? Prosecute you? Please.

Mr. President, make a decision instead of strolling down the hallway with Matt Lauer giving us your opinion on whether or not the Jim Joyce blown call should be reversed.

Tony Hayward, I don’t know what deal you cut with the devil, or who the devil is, but for all I know, it might be you. I want 10 viable solutions on my desk in the morning. Not affordable – VIABLE!

I am going back to my belief that what this country needs is an old-fashioned dad to knock some sense into us. Take the behavior of every associated party and imagine what your dad would do if they pulled that crap on him. I have a feeling that one of the phrases that might come out of his mouth is “what are you a freakin’ idiot”?

We’re turning from being a persevering nation that picks itself up from it’s boot straps when times are tough, towards a nation that blames someone for moving our boots and that’s why we can’t use the straps.

You all suck. 

Adventures of the World's Greatest Procrastinator

I don't know exactly when I started procrastinating to the level I do know. I think it might have been right after my freshman year at St. Norbert College. I had done remarkably well, finishing with a GPA of 3.75. But, it took it's toll on me too. It seems that after experiencing all that pressure, I comple

Healthcare Reform Legislation is More Out of Control than Healthcare is

I have come to the conclusion Healthcare Reform Legislation is officially more out of control than the Healthcare itself. I am emphatically stating, in no uncertain terms, I am completely against the Healthcare Reform bills Congress is trying pass. I am also emphatically stating, I AM 1000% IN FAVOR OF HEALTHCARE REFORM. But if anyone can tell me what is in these bills, I would really appreciate it. I don’t think anyone in the friggin world understands it. Hence Nancy Pelosi’s comment –

“But we have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy.”

You’re kidding me right? That’s like saying. “Hey buy this Toyota. We know there are a lot of concerns regarding its safety, and you are getting conflicting points of view as to whether they are true or not, but just buy it anyway. After you own it we can take a look, see what’s wrong and then try to fix it.”

How about this? Let’s figure out what’s in it first, and maybe the fog of controversy will be lifted.

Now, I fully realize I will be vilified for being opposed to this legislation, but before you strike back, do two things for me.

First, read my introductory paragraph again. I did not say I was against healthcare reform. I said I was against the healthcare reform BILLS. There is HUGE difference between the two.

Secondly, read the bills. You can find them here. I’ve tried. I jumped around to sections I felt were important. I can’t understand what the hell is in there. I’ve talked to Herb Kohl personally on several occasions, in non-political contexts. Based on the depth of our conversations, I am pretty sure he can’t understand it either. 

The House Bill is H.R. 3962.

http://docs.house.gov/rules/health/111_ahcaa.pdf

The Senate Bill is H.R. 3590

http://www.opencongress.org/bill/111-h3590/text

Maybe I’m too stupid to understand the solutions being presented, but so far, this is what we’ve heard from both sides of the aisle. “We need healthcare reform (pound fist on podium)” or “This is not the type of reform we need! (pound fist on podium).” Can someone please explain it to me simply using facts so I can understand? Is that too much to ask?

I realize that the purpose of healthcare reform is to build a healthier America. I realize that many people are without healthcare. I realize premiums are out of control. I realize that Americans are obese, out of shape and in poor health. I realize that these issues are complex. I want them solved too. I just got crushed with a $900 bill because my insurance wouldn’t cover treatment. I am getting screwed right along with the rest of us.

But give me some facts, not a campaign speech. 

Here are a couple of questions I have.

One of the purposes of this reform is to lower my premiums, or save me money. But, the cost of implementing this package will cost between $800 billion and $1 trillion dollars over the next 10 years. My question is, “Where is the money coming from to pay for the bill?” Since there isn’t a national money tree, it’s probably taxes—either personal or business. But if businesses are taxed, it’s just going to be passed along to me, so I’m basically still paying for it. If I have to spend money to save money, and the money I spend is more than the money I save, why would I spend the money? Something isn’t adding up.

America has become an obese, unhealthy nation. I agree. And people need affordable healthcare to address the related health issues. However, will mandating people have healthcare insurance stop them from eating Doritos? Will having classes available to tell them to stop eating Doritos make them stop eating Doritos? I think everyone on the planet knows smoking is bad for you, yet people still smoke. Something isn’t adding up.

The goal of reform is to make sure everyone in American has healthcare. So, using the governments numbers, if we have 47 million people without healthcare, and by implementing this plan, within 10 years, 30 million more people will have healthcare, what about the other 17 million people? If it takes us 10 years to come up 17 million short of the goal, isn’t that a failure?

I REALIZE THERE ARE A LOT OF GOOD THINGS IN THE BILLS. My point is, get it right, before you get it done.

I am going to point out a couple of things I came across in a Wall Street Journal article. I can't believe this stuff. 

SEC. 202. PROTECTING THE CHOICE TO KEEP CURRENT COVERAGE.

(a) GRANDFATHERED HEALTH INSURANCE COV ERAGE DEFINED.—Subject to the succeeding provisions of this section, for purposes of establishing acceptable coverage under this division, the term ‘‘grandfathered health insurance coverage’’ means individual health insurance coverage that is offered and in force and effect before the first day of Y1 if the following conditions are met:

(1) LIMITATION ON NEW ENROLLMENT.—

(A) IN GENERAL.—Except as provided in this paragraph, the individual health insurance issuer offering such coverage does not enroll any individual in such coverage if the first effective date of coverage is on or after the first day of Y1.

(B) DEPENDENT COVERAGE PERMITTED.—Subparagraph (A) shall not affect the subsequent enrollment of a dependent of an individual who is covered as of such first day.

(2) LIMITATION ON CHANGES IN TERMS OR CONDITIONS.—Subject to paragraph (3) and except as required by law, the issuer does not change any of its terms or conditions, including benefits and cost-sharing, from those in effect as of the day fore the first day of Y1.

(b) GRACE PERIOD FOR CURRENT EMPLOYMENT BASED HEALTH PLANS.—

(1) GRACE PERIOD.—

 (A) IN GENERAL.—The Commissioner shall establish a grace period whereby, for plan

13 years beginning after the end of the 5-year period beginning with Y1, an employment-based health plan in operation as of the day before the first day of Y1 must meet the same requirements as apply to a qualified health benefits plan under section 201, including the essential benefit package requirement under section 221.

Well, since you put it that way. Geez I feel foolish for not understanding.

OK, here’s another one that ought to be easy to figure out.

(1) INITIAL STANDARDS.—Not later than 18 months after the date of the enactment of this Act, the Secretary shall, through the rulemaking process consistent with subsection (a), adopt an initial set of benefit standards.

Now, I really feel stupid for not understanding.

And here comes my favorite part.

‘‘SEC. 59B. TAX ON INDIVIDUALS WITHOUT ACCEPTABLE HEALTH CARE COVERAGE.

‘‘(a) TAX IMPOSED.—In the case of any individual who does not meet the requirements of subsection (d) at any time during the taxable year, there is hereby imposed a tax equal to 2.5 percent of the excess of—‘‘(1) the taxpayer’s modified adjusted gross in

come for the taxable year, over ‘‘(2) the amount of gross income specified in section 6012(a)(1) with respect to the taxpayer.

Why, that is as clear as the nose on my face.

More juicy nuggets.

On Nov. 2, the Congressional Budget Office* estimated what the plans will likely cost. An individual earning $44,000 before taxes who purchases his own insurance (this would include many of the 47MM that don’t have insurance) will have to pay a $5,300 premium and an estimated $2,000 in out-of-pocket expenses, for a total of $7,300 a year, which is 17% of his pre-tax income. A family earning $102,100 a year before taxes will have to pay a $15,000 premium plus an estimated $5,300 out-of-pocket, for a $20,300 total, or 20% of its pre-tax income. A business will have to pickup 72.5% of the premium, which is about 15-22% higher than what they pay now.

Finally, my favorite provision of them all. This ought to be especially heartwarming to those with loved ones suffering from terminal cancer.

(b) RECOGNITION OF ATTENDING PHYSICIAN AS7

SISTANTS AS ATTENDING PHYSICIANS TO SERVE HOSPICE PATIENTS.—

(1) IN GENERAL.—Section 1861(dd)(3)(B) of such Act (42 U.S.C. 1395x(dd)(3)(B)) is amended—

(A) by striking ‘‘or nurse’’ and inserting ‘‘, the nurse’’; and (B) by inserting ‘‘or the physician assistant (as defined in such subsection),’’ after ‘‘subsection (aa)(5)),’’.

You understand that one don't you?

I can’t make this stuff up. It’s all in there and in language that none of us can begin to comprehend. This is precisely why we have to know the facts, before we get sucked into the wave of emotion created by a town hall speech or a tea party. To absorb our politicians' rhetoric as gospel is lunacy. To quote Bruce Springsteen "Blind faith in your leaders or in anything will get you killed."

Yes, there are great necessary reforms in these bills. Yes there are valid points and arguments. But in my opinion, these things make this a totally effed option. I don't really like the bird in my hand, but I don't know anything about those two birds in the bush. 

Here’s my position. We don’t need healthcare reform. We need healthcare insurance reform. We need to legislate the hell out of the insurance companies and the pharmaceutical companies and take the control out of their hands. Force them to make the healthcare insurance and coverage I am receiving now and like, more affordable. Squeeze their profits. Don’t make me buy an insurance plan that you say I need and the price you say I have to pay. The bottom line—put the noose around their necks before you put the noose around mine.

Go ahead. Call me a hater now.

*www.cbo.gov/ftpdocs/106xx/doc10682/11-30-ARRA.pdf

I Am Running for Senator. Who’s With Me?

I’m sick of it. All of it. Healthcare reform. Stimulus packages. Underwear bombers. Nancy Pelosi. Glenn Beck. Keith Olberman. Fair and Balanced. Reconciliation. Tea Party Movement. You can take it all straight to hell on a high-speed rail train via Madison.

I don’t need any of you. What I need is $875.

Hey Politicians on either side of the aisle - don’t tell me what is best for me. I KNOW what is best for me, and right now it’s finding a way to come up with $875. I am getting tired of rich politicians saying I make too much money. It's easy to do when you own a basketball team. I don't know if I mentioned this, but I need $875. And the last time I checked. $875 wouldn't even get me a pair of courtsides tickets to see a team that has had 4 winning seasons in the last 20 years play.

So I hereby announce my candidacy for the Wisconsin U.S. Senate seat, because I want to change laws so I don't have to scrounge around to get $875. Russ Feingold, get the hell out of the way, Satan’s caddy is comin to town with an empty wallet and a bug up his ass.

So you may be asking, “Are you qualified?”  “What experience do you have?” None. Which is precisely why I AM qualified. And DON’T call me a Republican. Just because I think Obama and Pelosi are morons, doesn’t automatically make me a Republican. It means I think Obama and Pelosi are morons. Cheney is a douche and W was a idiot too. That's a 2-2 tie. Stupid isn't red or blue. Stupid is stupid.

I am running for Senate as the only member of the “Common Sense” Party. My platform is simple—give the country a big whack in the head with a baseball bat. We don’t need “Hope and Change”. We need a grumpy, dad to kick our ass and tell us we've got a head filled with sand. That is my political model.

Here are my key platform items and my stance on issues by applying the principles of Common Sense. Simplistic approach? Absolutely. That’s my point. We need to start under-thinking things. 

I have to make a declaration speech at some point. Here are my thoughts. I probably won’t say them exactly because I don’t plan on using a tele-prompter.

            Pass Civics test before you’re elected. Spoiler Alert - We don’t live in a democracy. We live in a republic. See, if these words ring a bell. “And to the republic, for which it stands…” We elect people to vote how we would vote. I don’t have time to go vote because Montana needs a dam for a river. I’ve got to get that drywall in the basement fixed. You handle it. That’s what we pay you for.

         Vote. Don’t just wear your sticker around on your North Face jacket and say you voted. If you didn’t have time to vote because you had to pick up your dry cleaning, shut up. That includes the local elections too. I don't want a guy running my 14,000 person Village because he talked 685 friends into voting for him.

         No more taxes for a while. If the government doesn't have the money to buy new sh*t, then don’t buy new sh*t. I got cut 10% at BOTH my jobs. You know what I did then? I stopped buying sh*t I didn't need.

      Here's a note to Governor Doyle. You're supposed to be a lame duck. Act like it. You're spending money like a wife who knows she is going to leave her husband and starts running up his credit cards. Stop hanging us with the tab. You're killing me here. 

         NRA members are insane. You can't go in all or nothing. Yes, we have the right to bear arms. The right to bear arms doesn’t mean anyone can walk into a store and walk out with a glock. There are some sick mothers out there. And I am not buying  the argument that an automatic rifle that fires 200 rounds a minute is a deer hunting rifle either.

      Stop blaming the previous administration for everything. We elected you, so shut up, and get to work. You sound like Barry, this guy I work with, who keeps bitching about his ex-wife. I hated her too, but she’s been gone for over two years. Man up for chrissakes.”

      Another thing, stop saying "I want..." It's not about you. It's about us. It's about what WE want. Think about the last time you saw a 9-year old kid who kept saying, "I want, I want, I want. Pretty annoying huh? 

        The healthcare system is definitely a trainwreck. BUT, don't stand there and tell me you can write a 2,500+ page bill, know everything that's in it and then vote for it. I’m calling BS. I had to read A Tale of Two Cities in high school and that took me three flippin months. And at the end of the semester, I still flunked the final.

         Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid are bankrupt. And the government should run healthcare? Who ran Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid? Oh yeah, you did. The by all means be my guest, and way don't we spot you a TRILLION DOLLARS to get started.

      Here's a thought...how about enacting some strict laws that clamp down on the insurance and drug companies first. That's where the bleeding is. Let's try that first. See what happens. Pick their pockets before you start picking mine. 

        Taking bailout money from the government and then giving out bonuses is a total dick move. I lent my brother $250 bucks once because he said he had to fix his breaks and the sonofabitch showed up at the golf course with a new driver. What a d-bag.

        If you are not a citizen of this country and you were one of the a-holes that planned 9/11, you’re not entitled to the rights of a US Citizen. Why? Because you’re not a US Citizen. Sorry. You don’t get the same legal protection as a guy who might have planted a tree too close to the neighbor’s property line. Sorry, you just don’t.

       And another thing. Do you honestly think George W. Bush was smart enough to hatch that “our government was behind 9/11” conspiracy theory? Seriously. You're telling me George W. was that smart? If you believe that then you’re the idiot.

      You wanna talk waterboarding? Then let’s call it what it is…a swirlie. You basically jammed the guy's head in the toilet and gave it a flush. Big friggin deal. I got one when I was a freshman. I got a wedgie too. It’s not like they’re burning his schlong with a cigarette. Lighten up. If dunking a terrorist means he gives up info, I have three words for you…fill the f****n pool.

     Oh…and now it’s torture because we play music that is against their religious beliefs? You gotta be kidding me. I had to live an entire semester with a roommate who played freakin Journey all day and night. Walk in my sandals Achmandildnsol.”

      Why should I care if two guys or two chicks get married? It's none of my business. You know what is my business? Where they live. And I want them living next door to me because they take care of their houses, they are friendly, polite, and usually have a wonderful assortment of fresh baked goods. Unlike that d*ckhead down the street who hasn't mowed his lawn in three weeks.

      Don’t call me a hater because I watch Fox News. You can watch Hannah Montana with your pants off for all I care. Why do you care what I watch? And for your information, I don’t watch Fox News because of Bill O’Reilly or Glen Beck. I watch because Gretchen Carlson has awesome legs and great cans.

      Go ahead. Dig up dirt on me. I don’t care. I’ll tell you all the shit I did right now if you want. Hell, when I was younger I used to drive home from Nick’s Tap flippin bulletproof. Window open, hand over one eye. Doesn't mean I do it now. Doesn’t mean I’m proud of it. What else do you wanna know? Wait a second....I've got an idea. Let me ask you a few questions. Did you ever make any dumb decisions? I can give you one. You're a reporter, it's not like you majored in chemistry. You have a communications degree.Which is basically 4 years of college where every answer is "it depends". How do I know that? Because I am a communications major. 

This is just common sense stuff.  Take it for what it is. Don't over-analyze it. Don't heap your baggage on the train. It is what it is. Oh...and it's sarcasm too. 

Open Letters to Annoying People

I tend to get annoyed with things that really aren’t worth getting annoyed over. It’s just the way I am. I really never do anything about it, other than point it out on the my radio show. I’ve never been one to write letters to the editor or follow traditional channels to voice my opinion. It’s time to change that. Here are my open letters to people that need a little wake up call.

Dear Cast of “The Jersey Shore”

Your 15 minutes are up. 

Dear Man vs. Food Guy:

Puke on camera. Just once.

Dear President Obama:

Enough with the “blame everything on Bush” rhetoric. You sound like a broken record. And for the record, I hated him too.

Dear Nancy Pelosi:

Stop talking to me like I am an eight year-old. And wipe that smug look off your face.

Dear Glenn Beck:

Stop talking to me like I am an eight year-old. And wipe that smug look off your face.

Dear Bruce Springsteen:

Please put out an album that doesn’t suck as bad as  “Working on a Dream”. 

Dear Tiger:

It’s the network. Get a 2^nd phone next time.

Dear Obsessed Brett Farve Followers:

He doesn't love you anymore. In fact, he never did. Deal with it. 

Dear World Cup Soccer Fans:

The only things exciting about your sport are bloody, drunk soccer hooligans. And fires in the bleachers.

Dear Sarah Palin:

Bobby Jindahl called. He said you’re even making him look good now.

Dear Willy Wonka Candy Makers:

The mango and pineapple Runts taste like crap.

Dear Lady GaGa:

Stop it right now.

Dear Facebook Friends:

I love you all dearly, but I’m not going to help you get pigs, or fences or milk cows.

Dear Me:

Lighten up a bit.

Feel free to add your own. Remember to follow me on Twitter @kb965

Dear Reformed Smoker - STOP WHINING!

Dear Reformed Smoker:

Stop your whining.

We are all very proud of the fact that you quit smoking. It’s tough to do. I know because I used to smoke myself. But do you know what makes my smoking cessation different than yours?

I don’t feel compelled to spend the rest of my life lecturing other smokers about how they should quit smoking and how smoking infringes on their rights and health, blah blah blah blah. I don’t do that fake little “cough, cough” when I am next to a smoker who legally has every right to be there. If the law says they can smoke – they can smoke. It is up to ME to move, not them.

I don't quote every single medical fact about smoking. I know smoking causes cancer. That's why I don't smoke anymore. Because I don't want to get cancer. But if someone else wants to get cancer, who am I to stop them?

The unwritten law of smoking and non-smoking works like this. Whoever is there first, wins. If you are a smoker and you sit down next to a non-smoker who was there first, you can’t smoke. If you want to smoke, it is incumbent upon you to find other smokers and smoke by them. Even if that means going outside to smoke because the place you are in is smoke-free. Something just dawned on me. Obama is a smoker. Do you think he has to go outside and sit on the loading dock with the other smokers that work at the White House? "So what are you doing this weekend Barack?"

But I digress.

On the other hand, if you are a non-smoker and you sit down next to a smoker, you have no right to tell him not to smoke. It is incumbent upon you to go to a non-smoking area. You were the one who decided to sit next to a smoker. So you deal with the consequences. If you are a non-smoker and you go into a restaurant and the non-smoking wait is 45 minutes, but the smoking wait is immediately and you choose to sit immediately, then deal with it.

I just realized that what I have described in the last few paragraphs is something that is quite rare in today's society. It's called - consideration. Imagine that. Having respect for another person. What an interesting concept.

Personally, I like smokers. They are fun. They have gravelly voices that entertain me. They drink a lot. They are risk takers. Unfortunately, they hang out in places where other people smoke. And I end up smelling like smoke, which I dislike, but it's not going to stop me from letting them smoke. Nor is it going to make me think any less of them because they smoke. I just won't go where I don't want to go. Simple as that.

So to you reformed smokers – shut it. You used to smoke. You are the tobacco equivalent of a serial killer that has found god on death row. And no matter what you believe, you don't have the right to initiate the jihad against people that chose to light up.