Adventures of the World's Greatest Procrastinator

I don't know exactly when I started procrastinating to the level I do know. I think it might have been right after my freshman year at St. Norbert College. I had done remarkably well, finishing with a GPA of 3.75. But, it took it's toll on me too. It seems that after experiencing all that pressure, I comple

Healthcare Reform Legislation is More Out of Control than Healthcare is

I have come to the conclusion Healthcare Reform Legislation is officially more out of control than the Healthcare itself. I am emphatically stating, in no uncertain terms, I am completely against the Healthcare Reform bills Congress is trying pass. I am also emphatically stating, I AM 1000% IN FAVOR OF HEALTHCARE REFORM. But if anyone can tell me what is in these bills, I would really appreciate it. I don’t think anyone in the friggin world understands it. Hence Nancy Pelosi’s comment –

“But we have to pass the bill so that you can find out what is in it, away from the fog of the controversy.”

You’re kidding me right? That’s like saying. “Hey buy this Toyota. We know there are a lot of concerns regarding its safety, and you are getting conflicting points of view as to whether they are true or not, but just buy it anyway. After you own it we can take a look, see what’s wrong and then try to fix it.”

How about this? Let’s figure out what’s in it first, and maybe the fog of controversy will be lifted.

Now, I fully realize I will be vilified for being opposed to this legislation, but before you strike back, do two things for me.

First, read my introductory paragraph again. I did not say I was against healthcare reform. I said I was against the healthcare reform BILLS. There is HUGE difference between the two.

Secondly, read the bills. You can find them here. I’ve tried. I jumped around to sections I felt were important. I can’t understand what the hell is in there. I’ve talked to Herb Kohl personally on several occasions, in non-political contexts. Based on the depth of our conversations, I am pretty sure he can’t understand it either. 

The House Bill is H.R. 3962.

http://docs.house.gov/rules/health/111_ahcaa.pdf

The Senate Bill is H.R. 3590

http://www.opencongress.org/bill/111-h3590/text

Maybe I’m too stupid to understand the solutions being presented, but so far, this is what we’ve heard from both sides of the aisle. “We need healthcare reform (pound fist on podium)” or “This is not the type of reform we need! (pound fist on podium).” Can someone please explain it to me simply using facts so I can understand? Is that too much to ask?

I realize that the purpose of healthcare reform is to build a healthier America. I realize that many people are without healthcare. I realize premiums are out of control. I realize that Americans are obese, out of shape and in poor health. I realize that these issues are complex. I want them solved too. I just got crushed with a $900 bill because my insurance wouldn’t cover treatment. I am getting screwed right along with the rest of us.

But give me some facts, not a campaign speech. 

Here are a couple of questions I have.

One of the purposes of this reform is to lower my premiums, or save me money. But, the cost of implementing this package will cost between $800 billion and $1 trillion dollars over the next 10 years. My question is, “Where is the money coming from to pay for the bill?” Since there isn’t a national money tree, it’s probably taxes—either personal or business. But if businesses are taxed, it’s just going to be passed along to me, so I’m basically still paying for it. If I have to spend money to save money, and the money I spend is more than the money I save, why would I spend the money? Something isn’t adding up.

America has become an obese, unhealthy nation. I agree. And people need affordable healthcare to address the related health issues. However, will mandating people have healthcare insurance stop them from eating Doritos? Will having classes available to tell them to stop eating Doritos make them stop eating Doritos? I think everyone on the planet knows smoking is bad for you, yet people still smoke. Something isn’t adding up.

The goal of reform is to make sure everyone in American has healthcare. So, using the governments numbers, if we have 47 million people without healthcare, and by implementing this plan, within 10 years, 30 million more people will have healthcare, what about the other 17 million people? If it takes us 10 years to come up 17 million short of the goal, isn’t that a failure?

I REALIZE THERE ARE A LOT OF GOOD THINGS IN THE BILLS. My point is, get it right, before you get it done.

I am going to point out a couple of things I came across in a Wall Street Journal article. I can't believe this stuff. 

SEC. 202. PROTECTING THE CHOICE TO KEEP CURRENT COVERAGE.

(a) GRANDFATHERED HEALTH INSURANCE COV ERAGE DEFINED.—Subject to the succeeding provisions of this section, for purposes of establishing acceptable coverage under this division, the term ‘‘grandfathered health insurance coverage’’ means individual health insurance coverage that is offered and in force and effect before the first day of Y1 if the following conditions are met:

(1) LIMITATION ON NEW ENROLLMENT.—

(A) IN GENERAL.—Except as provided in this paragraph, the individual health insurance issuer offering such coverage does not enroll any individual in such coverage if the first effective date of coverage is on or after the first day of Y1.

(B) DEPENDENT COVERAGE PERMITTED.—Subparagraph (A) shall not affect the subsequent enrollment of a dependent of an individual who is covered as of such first day.

(2) LIMITATION ON CHANGES IN TERMS OR CONDITIONS.—Subject to paragraph (3) and except as required by law, the issuer does not change any of its terms or conditions, including benefits and cost-sharing, from those in effect as of the day fore the first day of Y1.

(b) GRACE PERIOD FOR CURRENT EMPLOYMENT BASED HEALTH PLANS.—

(1) GRACE PERIOD.—

 (A) IN GENERAL.—The Commissioner shall establish a grace period whereby, for plan

13 years beginning after the end of the 5-year period beginning with Y1, an employment-based health plan in operation as of the day before the first day of Y1 must meet the same requirements as apply to a qualified health benefits plan under section 201, including the essential benefit package requirement under section 221.

Well, since you put it that way. Geez I feel foolish for not understanding.

OK, here’s another one that ought to be easy to figure out.

(1) INITIAL STANDARDS.—Not later than 18 months after the date of the enactment of this Act, the Secretary shall, through the rulemaking process consistent with subsection (a), adopt an initial set of benefit standards.

Now, I really feel stupid for not understanding.

And here comes my favorite part.

‘‘SEC. 59B. TAX ON INDIVIDUALS WITHOUT ACCEPTABLE HEALTH CARE COVERAGE.

‘‘(a) TAX IMPOSED.—In the case of any individual who does not meet the requirements of subsection (d) at any time during the taxable year, there is hereby imposed a tax equal to 2.5 percent of the excess of—‘‘(1) the taxpayer’s modified adjusted gross in

come for the taxable year, over ‘‘(2) the amount of gross income specified in section 6012(a)(1) with respect to the taxpayer.

Why, that is as clear as the nose on my face.

More juicy nuggets.

On Nov. 2, the Congressional Budget Office* estimated what the plans will likely cost. An individual earning $44,000 before taxes who purchases his own insurance (this would include many of the 47MM that don’t have insurance) will have to pay a $5,300 premium and an estimated $2,000 in out-of-pocket expenses, for a total of $7,300 a year, which is 17% of his pre-tax income. A family earning $102,100 a year before taxes will have to pay a $15,000 premium plus an estimated $5,300 out-of-pocket, for a $20,300 total, or 20% of its pre-tax income. A business will have to pickup 72.5% of the premium, which is about 15-22% higher than what they pay now.

Finally, my favorite provision of them all. This ought to be especially heartwarming to those with loved ones suffering from terminal cancer.

(b) RECOGNITION OF ATTENDING PHYSICIAN AS7

SISTANTS AS ATTENDING PHYSICIANS TO SERVE HOSPICE PATIENTS.—

(1) IN GENERAL.—Section 1861(dd)(3)(B) of such Act (42 U.S.C. 1395x(dd)(3)(B)) is amended—

(A) by striking ‘‘or nurse’’ and inserting ‘‘, the nurse’’; and (B) by inserting ‘‘or the physician assistant (as defined in such subsection),’’ after ‘‘subsection (aa)(5)),’’.

You understand that one don't you?

I can’t make this stuff up. It’s all in there and in language that none of us can begin to comprehend. This is precisely why we have to know the facts, before we get sucked into the wave of emotion created by a town hall speech or a tea party. To absorb our politicians' rhetoric as gospel is lunacy. To quote Bruce Springsteen "Blind faith in your leaders or in anything will get you killed."

Yes, there are great necessary reforms in these bills. Yes there are valid points and arguments. But in my opinion, these things make this a totally effed option. I don't really like the bird in my hand, but I don't know anything about those two birds in the bush. 

Here’s my position. We don’t need healthcare reform. We need healthcare insurance reform. We need to legislate the hell out of the insurance companies and the pharmaceutical companies and take the control out of their hands. Force them to make the healthcare insurance and coverage I am receiving now and like, more affordable. Squeeze their profits. Don’t make me buy an insurance plan that you say I need and the price you say I have to pay. The bottom line—put the noose around their necks before you put the noose around mine.

Go ahead. Call me a hater now.

*www.cbo.gov/ftpdocs/106xx/doc10682/11-30-ARRA.pdf

I Am Running for Senator. Who’s With Me?

I’m sick of it. All of it. Healthcare reform. Stimulus packages. Underwear bombers. Nancy Pelosi. Glenn Beck. Keith Olberman. Fair and Balanced. Reconciliation. Tea Party Movement. You can take it all straight to hell on a high-speed rail train via Madison.

I don’t need any of you. What I need is $875.

Hey Politicians on either side of the aisle - don’t tell me what is best for me. I KNOW what is best for me, and right now it’s finding a way to come up with $875. I am getting tired of rich politicians saying I make too much money. It's easy to do when you own a basketball team. I don't know if I mentioned this, but I need $875. And the last time I checked. $875 wouldn't even get me a pair of courtsides tickets to see a team that has had 4 winning seasons in the last 20 years play.

So I hereby announce my candidacy for the Wisconsin U.S. Senate seat, because I want to change laws so I don't have to scrounge around to get $875. Russ Feingold, get the hell out of the way, Satan’s caddy is comin to town with an empty wallet and a bug up his ass.

So you may be asking, “Are you qualified?”  “What experience do you have?” None. Which is precisely why I AM qualified. And DON’T call me a Republican. Just because I think Obama and Pelosi are morons, doesn’t automatically make me a Republican. It means I think Obama and Pelosi are morons. Cheney is a douche and W was a idiot too. That's a 2-2 tie. Stupid isn't red or blue. Stupid is stupid.

I am running for Senate as the only member of the “Common Sense” Party. My platform is simple—give the country a big whack in the head with a baseball bat. We don’t need “Hope and Change”. We need a grumpy, dad to kick our ass and tell us we've got a head filled with sand. That is my political model.

Here are my key platform items and my stance on issues by applying the principles of Common Sense. Simplistic approach? Absolutely. That’s my point. We need to start under-thinking things. 

I have to make a declaration speech at some point. Here are my thoughts. I probably won’t say them exactly because I don’t plan on using a tele-prompter.

            Pass Civics test before you’re elected. Spoiler Alert - We don’t live in a democracy. We live in a republic. See, if these words ring a bell. “And to the republic, for which it stands…” We elect people to vote how we would vote. I don’t have time to go vote because Montana needs a dam for a river. I’ve got to get that drywall in the basement fixed. You handle it. That’s what we pay you for.

         Vote. Don’t just wear your sticker around on your North Face jacket and say you voted. If you didn’t have time to vote because you had to pick up your dry cleaning, shut up. That includes the local elections too. I don't want a guy running my 14,000 person Village because he talked 685 friends into voting for him.

         No more taxes for a while. If the government doesn't have the money to buy new sh*t, then don’t buy new sh*t. I got cut 10% at BOTH my jobs. You know what I did then? I stopped buying sh*t I didn't need.

      Here's a note to Governor Doyle. You're supposed to be a lame duck. Act like it. You're spending money like a wife who knows she is going to leave her husband and starts running up his credit cards. Stop hanging us with the tab. You're killing me here. 

         NRA members are insane. You can't go in all or nothing. Yes, we have the right to bear arms. The right to bear arms doesn’t mean anyone can walk into a store and walk out with a glock. There are some sick mothers out there. And I am not buying  the argument that an automatic rifle that fires 200 rounds a minute is a deer hunting rifle either.

      Stop blaming the previous administration for everything. We elected you, so shut up, and get to work. You sound like Barry, this guy I work with, who keeps bitching about his ex-wife. I hated her too, but she’s been gone for over two years. Man up for chrissakes.”

      Another thing, stop saying "I want..." It's not about you. It's about us. It's about what WE want. Think about the last time you saw a 9-year old kid who kept saying, "I want, I want, I want. Pretty annoying huh? 

        The healthcare system is definitely a trainwreck. BUT, don't stand there and tell me you can write a 2,500+ page bill, know everything that's in it and then vote for it. I’m calling BS. I had to read A Tale of Two Cities in high school and that took me three flippin months. And at the end of the semester, I still flunked the final.

         Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid are bankrupt. And the government should run healthcare? Who ran Social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid? Oh yeah, you did. The by all means be my guest, and way don't we spot you a TRILLION DOLLARS to get started.

      Here's a thought...how about enacting some strict laws that clamp down on the insurance and drug companies first. That's where the bleeding is. Let's try that first. See what happens. Pick their pockets before you start picking mine. 

        Taking bailout money from the government and then giving out bonuses is a total dick move. I lent my brother $250 bucks once because he said he had to fix his breaks and the sonofabitch showed up at the golf course with a new driver. What a d-bag.

        If you are not a citizen of this country and you were one of the a-holes that planned 9/11, you’re not entitled to the rights of a US Citizen. Why? Because you’re not a US Citizen. Sorry. You don’t get the same legal protection as a guy who might have planted a tree too close to the neighbor’s property line. Sorry, you just don’t.

       And another thing. Do you honestly think George W. Bush was smart enough to hatch that “our government was behind 9/11” conspiracy theory? Seriously. You're telling me George W. was that smart? If you believe that then you’re the idiot.

      You wanna talk waterboarding? Then let’s call it what it is…a swirlie. You basically jammed the guy's head in the toilet and gave it a flush. Big friggin deal. I got one when I was a freshman. I got a wedgie too. It’s not like they’re burning his schlong with a cigarette. Lighten up. If dunking a terrorist means he gives up info, I have three words for you…fill the f****n pool.

     Oh…and now it’s torture because we play music that is against their religious beliefs? You gotta be kidding me. I had to live an entire semester with a roommate who played freakin Journey all day and night. Walk in my sandals Achmandildnsol.”

      Why should I care if two guys or two chicks get married? It's none of my business. You know what is my business? Where they live. And I want them living next door to me because they take care of their houses, they are friendly, polite, and usually have a wonderful assortment of fresh baked goods. Unlike that d*ckhead down the street who hasn't mowed his lawn in three weeks.

      Don’t call me a hater because I watch Fox News. You can watch Hannah Montana with your pants off for all I care. Why do you care what I watch? And for your information, I don’t watch Fox News because of Bill O’Reilly or Glen Beck. I watch because Gretchen Carlson has awesome legs and great cans.

      Go ahead. Dig up dirt on me. I don’t care. I’ll tell you all the shit I did right now if you want. Hell, when I was younger I used to drive home from Nick’s Tap flippin bulletproof. Window open, hand over one eye. Doesn't mean I do it now. Doesn’t mean I’m proud of it. What else do you wanna know? Wait a second....I've got an idea. Let me ask you a few questions. Did you ever make any dumb decisions? I can give you one. You're a reporter, it's not like you majored in chemistry. You have a communications degree.Which is basically 4 years of college where every answer is "it depends". How do I know that? Because I am a communications major. 

This is just common sense stuff.  Take it for what it is. Don't over-analyze it. Don't heap your baggage on the train. It is what it is. Oh...and it's sarcasm too.